I probably shouldn't write it like that. But we spent an exorbitant amount this week during my FIL visit. More money eating out, going to attractions than our monthly budget for food/eating out/cable. Arrgh.
It's so frustrating because I don't mind spending money on them, but I feel that my in-laws never reciprocate the generosity to us. They never send birthday cards, christmas, etc. They do not send us gifts period. We've been together almost 8 years and I think I got a basket of hand lotion my first christmas visiting them.
It's really because they are cheap, not frugal but cheap. They never offer to pick up the tab, though they make more money than us. They never offer to pay for going out somewhere, though they suggest to go. They never offer us anything and they know we're "starting" out. This has been a pattern for years.
I don't know why it still bothers me and why it's always bothered me. I guess I would hope they would make some sort of effort. This Christmas DH bought them gifts and dinner, but he got nothing in return. Anything even a card would have been a gesture, never mind they forgot his birthday 2 weeks earlier (again a card or even a phone call would have been nice).
I just get angry because my mom sends DH a card, and now that we're married a b-day gift (shirt nothing fancy), and we get a joint plant for christmas every year from my parents. Even my grandmother sends DH a card and a phone call.
I used to give my in-laws gifts every Christmas, but slowly I've been diminishing it. I've also stopped sending a birthday card (basically I buy the card and hand it to DH to mail to his parents). I haven't had the nerve to stop mother's/father's day because i do it for my parents just a card in the mail.
What is so wrong with them? When we got married they never once offered to pay for anything, not even an offer. We paid for the wedding ourselves, but still an offer might have been appreciated. Also my MIL asked if we were getting married because I was pregnant, and why was her son marrying me if I wasn't "knocked up". Yes lovely, I still haven't forgotten over 4 years ago her saying that. No housewarming gift, no gift when them come to visit. Even a friend visiting brings a bottle of wine or plant or something, but not my in-laws.
I know this is a vent, but I can't help always feeling like my in-laws keep taking from us because they honestly feel DH "owes" them for paying for his room and board when he was growing up. They have said as much, that they provided him with food, clothes, shelter. Now he should be "repaying" them.
Ugh, there are many other things that bug me about them that are not at all financial. But since this is a financial blog I can only rant about the financial aspect of our relationship with my in-laws.
My parents are not perfect, but they try. They try to be nice to us, and they really do try to show us they care and appreciate our gestures. But I bet I don't even get a thank you for this week. I don't get acknowledged.
So my total for the week if I guess $1k for everything and it went to buy peace in my house. My parents are visiting in September, I wonder if I'll feel like this?
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3 comments:
I've been reading your blog for awhile now and this is my first time posting. Even though you said you don't mind spending the money your post shows that you really do. It does not sound like your inlaws are going to change so you will either have to just learn to accept them as they are or continue to let this bug the hell out of you. I've got some "outlaws" like this too and decided to just accept them as they are and have as little contact with them as possible...makes life a while lot more pleasant! ;)
No can do, DH loves the in-laws. And it's just money...Just frustrating.
Well I have an advice for you:If the in-laws are cheap, you have to be different than them.I think they will follow your example much later(maybe they already did by now).
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